When we moved into our house six years ago, we painted every room in the house - except our own. I spend a LOT of time in our bedroom. Since the girls came along and we gave up our office, there's really no good place to work in our house. And since I work half-time from home, that's a lot of hours in our bedroom, in addition to the normal bedroom activities. (Sleeping, people! Get your minds out of the gutter!)
Anyway, the time has come to give that room a face lift, so after weeks of poring over paint swatches and samples and comparing fabrics, the weekend has finally arrived for the Great Bedroom Makeover. We're shipping the girls off to Grandma and Poppa's house for the weekend so we can get 'er done. (Before and after pics will definitely follow!)
In anticipation of this weekend, I've been trying to clean out the piles in our bedroom as time allows. But there's been one box I've been avoiding. The Diabetes Box. This is the box that I threw all of the books, packets of paperwork, extra medical supplies... even Rufus, the diabetic bear... into when we got Amelia's second "kind of diagnosis" of no diabetes. It's just been sitting there in the corner of our room because I don't know what to do with it.
I thought maybe I'd magically know what to do with it when the time came. And the time came tonight. But I still don't know. I pulled everything out. Then I cried. Then I put everything back in.
What do you do when you feel like you've been given a get out of jail free card, but there's no 100% guarantee your number won't be called again?
And perhaps even bigger for me, that box represents a real turning point in my faith. I've never shared this with anyone other than a couple of my closest friends, but a year and a half ago, something happened that completely shook my faith, more than any other event in my life up to that point. I was rattled to the point of complete depression and nearly threw in the towel on this God stuff.
There, I said it.
But. I didn't. Somehow, when I was truly at the last sip of the last straw, God drew me back in. It wasn't sudden. It was very gradual. But I started reaching out for help with some people I trusted. And I took some other steps to get my head and emotions back into a healthier place. It took time. Then God opened the doors for me to start writing more and more - which is so healing for me. Not to mention, most of what I write is based on His Words, so talk about faith-building.
It was all happening, slowly, and then... BAM.
Amelia. Diabetes.
But here's the thing. What should have broke the camel's back only gave the camel Strength. For somewhere, deep inside, that Faith that I had almost given up on suddenly became The.Only.Thing I could count on. When I thought my baby might be terribly sick, my heart broke into a million pieces, and some of those pieces may always be missing. But my Faith, my God, well, that sustained me in a way that I only hoped it ever could. Was I angry? Hell yes. Was I sad? Of course. But I've never felt stronger. Between my faith, my family, and all of the amazing friends who came alongside us, I felt my Father with me through every piece of bad news, every finger prick, every needle poke. My heart was sad and even broken, but never empty.
So that box? It's still there. I can't bring myself to throw any of it away. Not one thing. Maybe one day? I really don't believe Amelia will have diabetes. As much as I believe in God, I also take great stock in science and the chances are that she won't ever have it.
But I never want to forget all that that box represents. The broken heart, the shattered dreams, the fears... The love, the strength, the faith...
Yes, Amelia was healed, or maybe never sick. But her mom's healed heart, that was really the miracle performed.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Christmas Day 2011
We started out Christmas Day at our house. Before we went downstairs, we read the Christmas story both from the Bible and a children's Bible, and we sang a few Christmas songs. It was definitely the sweetest part of my day.
Then it was down stairs to open a few gifts before breakfast. The girls had a couple of presents from Santa, a few presents from us, and a present from Grandfather and Grandma Ann.
Showing off one of her Santa gifts.
Opening a gift from Grandfather and Grandma Ann - animal puppets!
Lily's having a blast with her tiger puppet.
Lily opening the chocolate that we're pretty sure Grandfather snuck into her puppet. ;)
We gave Amelia "Candy Land." Simultaneously the best and the worst gift ever. Ha!
After opening gifts, eating breakfast, and squeezing in the first of many games of Candy Land, we hopped in the car to head to my parents' house for the day. Erin, Greg and Addy came over too, and Greg's mom and stepdad came for lunch too. We had a great time hanging out together and watching the girls play.
My genius niece already reading.
Peruvian fanny packs from Great Aunt Judy and Great Uncle Tom.
Hanging with the world's cutest niece.
Sweet Addy.
The "Happy Birthday Jesus" cake.
Seriously. Could she be any cuter?!
The cutest reindeer ever.
It was a wonderful, low-key Christmas. We hope yours was as well! And thus ends my 2011 blog catch-up. I'm resolving to not get so far behind in 2012. We'll see how long that lasts. :)
Then it was down stairs to open a few gifts before breakfast. The girls had a couple of presents from Santa, a few presents from us, and a present from Grandfather and Grandma Ann.
Showing off one of her Santa gifts.
Opening a gift from Grandfather and Grandma Ann - animal puppets!
Lily's having a blast with her tiger puppet.
Lily opening the chocolate that we're pretty sure Grandfather snuck into her puppet. ;)
We gave Amelia "Candy Land." Simultaneously the best and the worst gift ever. Ha!
After opening gifts, eating breakfast, and squeezing in the first of many games of Candy Land, we hopped in the car to head to my parents' house for the day. Erin, Greg and Addy came over too, and Greg's mom and stepdad came for lunch too. We had a great time hanging out together and watching the girls play.
My genius niece already reading.
Peruvian fanny packs from Great Aunt Judy and Great Uncle Tom.
Hanging with the world's cutest niece.
Sweet Addy.
The "Happy Birthday Jesus" cake.
Seriously. Could she be any cuter?!
The cutest reindeer ever.
It was a wonderful, low-key Christmas. We hope yours was as well! And thus ends my 2011 blog catch-up. I'm resolving to not get so far behind in 2012. We'll see how long that lasts. :)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Christmas Eve
On Christmas Eve, my parents came over to have dinner with us. After dinner, the girls decorated the "Happy Birthday Jesus" cake.
This is Lily's "crazy dance." We have no idea where it came from, but it's hilarious and usually involves her sticking her tongue out at the same time.
Picking out some cookies for Santa.
Sweet kisses from Poppa.
She can't wait for Christmas Day!
This is Lily's "crazy dance." We have no idea where it came from, but it's hilarious and usually involves her sticking her tongue out at the same time.
Picking out some cookies for Santa.
Sweet kisses from Poppa.
She can't wait for Christmas Day!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Santa
Santa came to read stories to the kiddos at Weekday.
He had quite the captive audience.
Notice Amelia stayed a safe distance away. You just can't be too careful.
This was the only way the girls would take a picture, of course.
He had quite the captive audience.
Notice Amelia stayed a safe distance away. You just can't be too careful.
This was the only way the girls would take a picture, of course.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Bikini-body Parenting
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about parenting lately. Well, anyone who is a parent hopefully thinks about it from time to time, but lately it’s been on my mind night and day.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, we’ve been having quite a time with Amelia. (Knock on wood, things actually have improved a lot since Christmas, so I’m incredibly grateful for that!) But December about did me in. I probably cried at least once a day over that child.
December also was the start of a new exercise/eating plan for me. I won’t go into all the details here (maybe soon), but the short version is that I’ve been getting up early six days a week to work out, I’ve cut out most sugar and processed foods, and I’m eating far less carbohydrates than I used to. But the exercise has been the hardest part – or more to the point, the “getting up early to exercise” part has been my biggest challenge.
With both of these things on my mind, I was thinking today how parenting (parenting well, anyway) is actually a lot like exercise. I don't always love doing it, but I love what it does for me. I don't always wake up excited about it, but when it's over, I'm soooo glad I did it. The sweat, the tears, the anguish, at the end of my workout, it pales in comparison to how I feel for having done it. And that's the goal for us as parents, I think. To go to bed every night knowing we did our best, and grateful we did it at all, even though it hurt like hell at times. Some days we gave it 100 percent. Some days we mostly nailed it. And then there are the occasional days where we realize we mailed it in (TV, anyone?). But we still got up and did it. And over time, we see the results of those 100 percent days, and even the mail-it-in days didn't kill anyone.
But no matter what, it was worth it. No one gets to a bikini body and wishes they had exercised less. And no one gets to the end of their lives and wishes they had spent less time doing life with their kids. So we press on. And we encourage each other, knowing that while Chalene Johnson is my workout of choice and yours is running, we're all still exercising. And while being a SAHM who breastfeeds for two years and does organic everything and co-sleeps is your parenting style, someone else's might be working mom, scheduled baby, etc., and the rest of us are probably somewhere in between. But we're all doing it. And hopefully our bodies are transforming while exercising, just like our souls, our children's souls, and even the world around us is transforming while we parent. I used to think that marriage was soul-refining (and it is), but nothing compares to the chiseling of your character that is brought about by parenting. So give yourself a break sometimes, a motivational speech sometimes, a kick in the butt sometimes, but above all, always give yourself a pat on the back because you showed up.
P.S. There are a couple of blogs I’ve linked to on Facebook lately that really have encouraged me. If you didn’t see them, here they are:
Joy Phenix's blog post: The Life Balance Myth
And one that got shared and shared and shared all over Facebook because all of us can relate! Don't Carpe Diem
As I mentioned in an earlier post, we’ve been having quite a time with Amelia. (Knock on wood, things actually have improved a lot since Christmas, so I’m incredibly grateful for that!) But December about did me in. I probably cried at least once a day over that child.
December also was the start of a new exercise/eating plan for me. I won’t go into all the details here (maybe soon), but the short version is that I’ve been getting up early six days a week to work out, I’ve cut out most sugar and processed foods, and I’m eating far less carbohydrates than I used to. But the exercise has been the hardest part – or more to the point, the “getting up early to exercise” part has been my biggest challenge.
With both of these things on my mind, I was thinking today how parenting (parenting well, anyway) is actually a lot like exercise. I don't always love doing it, but I love what it does for me. I don't always wake up excited about it, but when it's over, I'm soooo glad I did it. The sweat, the tears, the anguish, at the end of my workout, it pales in comparison to how I feel for having done it. And that's the goal for us as parents, I think. To go to bed every night knowing we did our best, and grateful we did it at all, even though it hurt like hell at times. Some days we gave it 100 percent. Some days we mostly nailed it. And then there are the occasional days where we realize we mailed it in (TV, anyone?). But we still got up and did it. And over time, we see the results of those 100 percent days, and even the mail-it-in days didn't kill anyone.
But no matter what, it was worth it. No one gets to a bikini body and wishes they had exercised less. And no one gets to the end of their lives and wishes they had spent less time doing life with their kids. So we press on. And we encourage each other, knowing that while Chalene Johnson is my workout of choice and yours is running, we're all still exercising. And while being a SAHM who breastfeeds for two years and does organic everything and co-sleeps is your parenting style, someone else's might be working mom, scheduled baby, etc., and the rest of us are probably somewhere in between. But we're all doing it. And hopefully our bodies are transforming while exercising, just like our souls, our children's souls, and even the world around us is transforming while we parent. I used to think that marriage was soul-refining (and it is), but nothing compares to the chiseling of your character that is brought about by parenting. So give yourself a break sometimes, a motivational speech sometimes, a kick in the butt sometimes, but above all, always give yourself a pat on the back because you showed up.
P.S. There are a couple of blogs I’ve linked to on Facebook lately that really have encouraged me. If you didn’t see them, here they are:
Joy Phenix's blog post: The Life Balance Myth
And one that got shared and shared and shared all over Facebook because all of us can relate! Don't Carpe Diem
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
December iPhone pics
The perfect curl
Why I sweep (sometimes several times) daily
Telling daddy all about the "tivity" scene
When daddy fixes her hair...
Just a cute girl
Happiness in motion
Cute new pjs from Ms. Emily
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